#askADELE | The coach’s advice on how to open the heart of a woman
You HAVE been rejected many times and gave up on women along the way. You are great at conquering business, but when it comes to women your life seems incomplete.
This week’s question comes from Sam in Parkhurst: “I am 45 years old and I have never been able to reach out to women successfully. I am successful in business and reside to the fact that I am alone. But all the success in the world does not make me happy. I want to try one more time. I found someone I like. What now? If she rejects me I might never try again. Any advice, coach?”
You are not alone, Sam. What it takes to be good in business is a little different from what it takes in relationships. Masculine energy is focused on a target, which is conquered with effort and strategy. The common skills that you need for relationships are targeting and effort - so what seems to be the problem?
We love solving puzzles, but there is a reason that relationships don’t work in the same way. Forced energy and control will only take you so far. Think of relationships in this way: to manage your expectations in relationships, you mustn’t forget to account for the irrational emotions that women have to deal with that are invisible, unseen and misunderstood by men. How do you deal with the mystery of women?
Whether your partner withdraws from you, while you are trying to bring her close to you, or you are trying to open the heart of a woman whom you do not know yet; whatever the reason, try to see what happens from her perspective, especially through an emotional experience. If shifting your viewpoint is too much effort, you can stop right now. Anything you achieve without this step is exactly what she wants you to think is happening, and then realise you are being played in a game.
To move beyond the physical connection one experiences that glues relationships together, especially when we are older, an emotional bond is required. Women crave this kind of intimacy and when a man cannot "go there" the next step is rejection and repeat.
What you might experience as rejection might come from her inner space of wounds as she projects her past pain. A safe emotional bond between two people in a relationship is what most people find confusing. If you can think of this as a process where she can open herself more in order to be able to connect deeper for you, the reward will be better than rejection.
From a woman’s perspective, she is working with her past betrayal experiences with males (which might include you).
Can you give her a reason why you will be different? Why should she trust you? If she opens her legs and then her heart for you, what guarantee does she have that you will treat her any differently? What do you actually know about what she wants from her life? Have you asked her? To focus on a woman and to get her to open up, she needs a deep trust in you. And any promises that you offer in a marketing ploy of who you are supposed to be will either plummet her deeper into the recesses of her own pain or open her up like a flower. If you want a different outcome for your relationship, this is where you need to invest your skills.
Men are petrified of what women want after sex. When you get your intimacy will she find hers in the emotional corner of your heart? If this scares you, then I say: "Fantastic!” Don’t hurt anyone you don’t have to. My allegiance is clear as I speak for the feminine heart. If you think I'm unfair and you feel that you are finally ready to be in a relationship consciously, then go ahead: Focus your gaze and appreciate her for what you find beautiful about the feminine form. Your effort will be rewarded when she opens her heart to see inside the mirror of her own reflection what she cannot resist.
If you want to learn more, read my book below. What is the answer to your question? Ask me here: www.adele-green.com/askADELE/
Adelé Green is the author of Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a conscious relationship and supports transformation for women during difficult times with her coaching, writing and podcasts.