Remembering Hermalise Wenn: A family's first Christmas without a mother

The family of 39-year-old Hermalise Wenn, a Cape Town mother allegedly murdered by her boyfriend in October, faces their first Christmas without her as they struggle with grief and caring for her two children.

Her tragic story highlights the devastating impact of gender-based violence on families, especially during the festive season.

"Every mother killed leaves behind children whose lives are permanently altered."

These are the words from TEARS Foundation, an organization that advocates, provides counselling and education services for those impacted by gender-based violence (GBV).

An example of this is GBV victim, Wenn, a mother of two from Elsies River, who was allegedly stabbed and tortured to death by her boyfriend, Clinton "Duiwel" Moses, who was out on parole for a previous stabbing and had a protection order against him.

Wenn's family faces a bleak and sad Christmas without her but what is even more devastating is that the health care worker was planning to celebrate her milestone 40th birthday on December 13.

Cape Argus caught up with Wenn's family following the tragedy, as the family face the harsh reality that she will never be present at their table again, at family gatherings or to tuck her children in at night.

On the fatal day, her 16-year-old son tried to save her, even allegedly being stabbed in the shoulder by Moses, before she told him to "leave him" and he fled with his younger brother, hearing her last words: "Take care of your little brother and yourself and you will be okay."

Moses is expected to make his next appearance in Goodwood Magistrates' Court this week.

Wenn's cousin, Lee-Ann Stander, who has been advocating on behalf of the family, said the teenager was very traumatised by what had happened and has yet to break his silence.

On the day of the funeral, the family bravely carried posters, posting messages to her as they stood at her grave: "Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure, you are loved beyond words and missed beyond measure."

Stander explained the family had the difficult task of sorting out guardianship for her children after her tragic death.

The children are in the care of family members and their names will be withheld in order to protect their identities as the court case is ongoing.

"From the eye, the 16-year-old seems okay but we do not know what he is feeling inside," she said.

When asked how the family would face their first Christmas without her, Stander said that her death had a ripple effect on every aspect of their lives from the financial and emotional impact.

"She was the bread winner in the house, she was running the house, I mean every house needs a woman. Who's going to clean and cook for Christmas?" Stander said.

"Even financially there is a big gap now. "Her excitement for a celebration, her laughter, her way of greeting others was special and her famous words were, 'love you my niggie (cousin).

"The 13th of December would've been her birthday, she was so excited for her 40th birthday. She had big plans and she wanted a party.

"The law didn't protect her."

She explained that the family was taking it one step at a time.

"They take every day as it comes, as hard as it is, life goes on. There are 2 minor children to be raised, not that she's forgotten but you can't sit in a corner and cry whole day and night, as hard as it is."

She added that the family was praying for swift justice so that Duiwel would remain behind bars because the family faced the harsh reality of never being able to visit her or hear her voice again.

"Duiwel must stay where he is because that is where he belongs. He shouldn't have come out."He stabbed somebody before and when he came out, he did the same thing, he took somebody's life. He should rot in jail.

"At least his family can go visit him where he can order what they must bring him but what about us as the family. We must go to a grave, or we must just hang on the beautiful memories we have."We must go back in our memories to see Hermalise. He must get life, I'm sorry to say but that is what he deserves.

"Hy't haar weg geruk van ons af (he ripped her out of our lives)."She said the family still had a lot of unanswered questions and pain fuelled with outrage: "What hurts the most is that he will appear in court on December 9, we will face him, and from my side there is anger and questions but you can't speak to him. I want to hurt him just like he has hurt her but unfortunately I don't have a heart like he has." Facing him hurts like hell."

Celeste Louw, TEARS Foundation general manager, said gang violence had a devastating and destabilising effect on homes after a mother is killed.

"Gang warfare does not only claim the lives of those directly involved. It shatters families and traumatises children, many of whom are caught in the crossfire of violence they had no part in. This violence is intrinsically linked to the broader root causes of gender-based violence, including entrenched inequality, poverty and systemic neglect.

"The festive season amplifies these challenges. While society shifts toward celebration, families who have lost mothers to violent crime are confronted with a stark sense of absence.

"For children, this period can intensify feelings of confusion, abandonment, and grief. For surviving caregivers, the emotional and financial pressures are often overwhelming

."Every mother killed leaves behind children whose lives are permanently altered. Until protection, accountability and healing for affected families are prioritised, the human cost of gang violence will continue to be borne by the most vulnerable."

"It is devastating for us at TEARS Foundation to see survivors struggle alone when help is available, accessible, and free: Our 24/7 toll-free number, 08000 83 277, and our USSD emergency line, 1347355#, provide immediate nationwide support for anyone in need."

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