A heartfelt trip down memory lane: Cherishing my firstborn through photos and videos
In her column, Tracy shares experiences and lessons learnt as she navigates life and grows with her two boys. To share your views email Tracy on [email protected]
Image: File
My big boy when he was a baby
Image: Mommy
There I was, doing what most of us do when we finally get a quiet moment, scrolling through my phone. No real purpose. Just mindlessly tapping, swiping, and letting the algorithm decide what I should see next.
YouTube had already taken me down a rabbit hole earlier in the day, but this time it was my picture gallery that pulled me in, unexpectedly taking me on a deeply emotional trip down memory lane.
It started with one video. Then another. And another. Suddenly, I found myself staring at clips and photos of my firstborn when he was still my tiny baby, my little crawler, wearing nothing but his nappy and that mischievous smile that already hinted at the personality he carries so boldly today.
And the funny part? While I was reliving all these memories, there he was - my now seven-year-old lying fast asleep on the couch in his vest and undies, completely unaware that his mommy was quietly falling apart emotionally just a few steps away.
I watched him sleeping and then looked back at the videos on my phone. My heart could barely keep up with the flood of emotions. How was this the same child? When did time move this quickly?
It feels like just yesterday he wasn’t even two years old yet, walking around the house, babbling in his own little language, already showing flashes of the strong, funny, curious little human he was becoming.
He had such a character even then. The way he would giggle at the simplest things, the way he would stubbornly insist on doing things himself, and the way his eyes would light up when he discovered something new. Those little moments felt endless at the time, yet somehow they passed in the blink of an eye.
Now, instead of mispronouncing nursery rhymes like pinkle pinkle litto star , I hear confident little statements like, “Mommy, do you know snake habitats are mostly found in bushes?” And I sit there, half smiling, half crying, wondering when my baby became this clever, opinionated, knowledge-sharing little boy who walks into “big school” with confidence and independence.
Watching him grow into his role as a big brother has added a whole new layer to my emotions. Seeing him care, guide, protect, and sometimes even gently boss around his younger sibling makes my mommy heart swell in ways I never imagined. He is no longer just my baby. He is someone’s big brother, someone’s role model, someone learning responsibility at such a young age.
But to me, he will always be my firstborn. The one who made me a mommy. The one who unknowingly taught me patience, unconditional love, and the art of functioning on little sleep. The one who is still teaching me lessons every single day about slowing down, appreciating small moments, and embracing change even when it feels overwhelming.
As I sat there watching him sleep, tears quietly filling my eyes, I found myself hoping for something every parent probably hopes for. I hope that one day, when he is older, he will look back and know just how deeply he was loved.
I hope he will remember that his childhood was filled with warmth, laughter, safety, and support. I hope he will understand that every photo and video I hold onto is not just a memory, but a reminder of the greatest chapter of my life becoming his mother.
Time may keep moving forward whether I am ready or not, but moments like these remind me to pause, to feel, and to be grateful. Because while my baby may be growing up, my heart continues growing right alongside him.