BY SHARON GORDON
On Friday we marked Women’s Day. I’m not a fan. In fact, the only people I saw working today were women. I do believe in equality and yesterday was an anomaly for me.
Yes, there are women who are treated badly, are abused and treated as less than any man. There are countries where women are denied basic human rights but not in South Africa.
Our Constitution guarantees equality. What we do with it is another thing altogether.
South Africa is one of the countries with the highest number of female representation in government, this despite the patriarchal society we live in. It is something to be proud of.
Unfortunately our default position is still that women cook, clean and look after the children. Men go to the office and have more orgasms.
Just watch any TV advert being screened at the moment. Have you ever seen a man do laundry? Men may be in soap adverts but always as the clever scientist tells us how much better this soap will make our wash. I’ve never seen him do the bloody work.
I know this column is about sex and I promise that all things lead to how to get better sex, just be patient. I have never let my gender get in the way of what I wanted.
It may have something to do with how I was raised. My father treated me like a boy. I learnt how to box and I still have a mean right hook! I did martial arts, skateboarded, now an Olympic sport, until I tore all the ligaments in both ankles, rode motorbikes, jumped out of planes and never let anyone take me for granted. I currently run a maintenance team of 20 – all men.
I think about sex like a man. There is very little emotion involved.
The glass ceiling was a target and I chose careers that would make most testicles shrivel. I have a vagina, for goodness sake. I have given birth, raised children and dealt with ageing parents. I’m superwoman. Nothing is going to stand in my way and, if it does, I go up and over, or around or through, the choice is yours.
But as a young girl and woman there were a couple of gaps in my education.
The first was sex (told you we’d get there), the difference between love and lust. Why my body is not a democracy and what I do with it is my business.
The second and equally important gap in my education is that no one spoke to me about money, how to make it, invest it and accumulate wealth.
I now know that those “financial advisers”, I’ve had for years were selling me policies that made them wealthy. A bit like telling me that this penis is nine inches. All of it lies.
As I’ve gotten older intimacy has become more important to me. Conversation and communication have become the things I crave more and more. I now understand that there are bits about me that are more female than male! It came as a surprise I can tell you.
I tried an experiment this past week to check whether I was losing the plot. I asked two very close friends, one male and one female, both of which I have known for over 20 years, the same question. And this dear reader is the lesson on relationships this week.
The question I asked was simple: What is your favourite smell?
My female friend answered, “Vanilla, definitely vanilla”. It reminds me of freedom, a new start. When I got divorced I experimented with everything new. I had a lap dance and this gorgeous woman, sexy as hell, smelt like vanilla. I wondered why I couldn’t be that confident. It changed my life. So yes, definitely vanilla.
And then the magic words – what’s yours?
I did not have to ask why vanilla or what it means to her. She just knew that there was more to the question than what your favourite smell is. My male friend answered, leather. And then we moved onto something else.
Actually, we didn’t because I took the conversation back to leather. I asked follow up questions, like why? What does it remind you of? When did you first smell it? And then I asked if he’d like to know what mine is?
He looked confused. Like who cares? Had I lost my mind? And then I explained.
By answering the relatively inane question as fully as he could he had opened a window into his life. I now know more about him, where he comes from and what he thinks. It makes me feel infinitely closer to you. For me it’s foreplay.
He looked shocked. So what you’re telling me is that if I answer those questions my partner asks in full with some personal anecdote I’ll get more sex?
I asked him to try it. I’m sure he did because he has a smile on his face and seems to have a spring in his step. I guess it worked. So the answer for those of you who are a bit slower than others, yes, you will get more sex.
I read a Gloria Steiman quote recently which may actually be the answer to all this feminist stuff: “We’ve begun to raise our daughters more like sons, but few have the courage to raise our sons more like daughters.”
Happy Women’s Day.
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