Pre-owned dentures, guinea pig armour and celebrity jockstraps: the weird auction items you could own
Johannesburg - Treasures have always been traded at auction; some in the form of art, antiques, collectable cars or luxury real estate while others are just downright bizarre.
Joff van Reenen, the founder and CEO of auction technology company Chant Laboratory, said some of the obscure items for sale include the likes of pre-owned dentures, guinea pig armour and celebrity jockstraps.
Van Reenen, who has been South Africa’s most-renowned auctioneer for three decades, said bidder appetites ceased to shock him years ago.
“Someone buying used dentures was weird but, surprisingly not the strangest part of that day,” he said.
“Weird spiralled into complete insanity a few minutes later, when other bidders had to take radical evasive action after the proud owner popped in his new chompers and tried to bite them. True story.”
Dentures aren’t the strangest item he has auctioned.
“The auction that tops my personal weird list and also caused one of my biggest quandaries, was a deceased estate sale,” he said.
“The executors compiled an inventory of the home’s contents, marking every item for auction, including a lot simply identified as ‘wooden box’. Imagine my horror when I opened it and found the recently deceased owner’s late husband’s cremains (cremated remains) inside.
“Naturally, I tried to withdraw the box from the auction but the executors were adamant that if it was on the inventory, it had to go.
“I was stymied for days before the sale,; wrestling with how to respect both the executors and the cremains. Then I had a brainwave.”
Van Reenen’s solution was to invite a priest to the auction. The priest bought the “wooden box” for R25.
“He later performed last rites on the cremains, which were subsequently buried – a win-win.”
Van Reenen said other lots that had pinged the renowned auctioneer’s weird-o-meter over the years included a stuffed ostrich and two cemeteries – one of them “partially tenanted”.
Despite that, he said, South Africa was a long way from cornering the bizarre auctions market.
“Throughout history, people have traded unusual objects, and curiosities often find their way to auction. Bidders with a taste for weird are very competitive.
“This niche segment has also partially inspired my leap into digital auction platform development, because broad-based access to light-hearted diversions, like outrageous auction bidding battles, are exactly what the weary world needs right now.”
Van Reenen lists some of his favourite global auction oddities.
1. Winston Churchill’s dentures: In 2010, a set of the former British prime minister’s gnashers sold for a whopping $23 700.
2. One of the world’s smallest books: In 2021, a 5mm by 5mm leather-bound book – smaller than the end of a pencil – containing versions of the Lord’s Prayer in Dutch, English, American English, French, German, Spanish and Swedish, was auctioned in Brussels for £3 500.
3. Unusual wheels: A red motorised wheelchair used by the great Stephen Hawking in the 1980s and 1990s sold for $393 000 in 2018, with proceeds going to one of his foundations and the Motor Neurone Disease Association.
4. A slice of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding cake: In 2014, a slice of the royal couple’s wedding cake was sold for $7 500 by Julien’s Auctions in Beverly Hills.
5. Vampire killing kit: In 2022, a vampire killing kit was auctioned in England for $15 736. The kit included stakes and a gun with silver bullets.
6. Haunted painting: A painting by Bill Stoneham, “The Hands Resist Him”, was sold on eBay for $1 025. The painting was purported to be cursed and haunted, much to the bemusement of the artist.
7. Virgin Mary on toast: In 2004, a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich that reportedly bore the image of the Virgin Mary sold on eBay for $28 000.
8. Guinea pig armour: In 2013, a suit of armour specially made for a guinea pig sold for $24 300.
9. Scrimshawed whale tooth: In 2017, a 19th-century whale tooth engraved with whaling scenes was auctioned in the US for $456 000 ).
10.Kanye West concert air: In 2015, a jar of air supposedly captured at a Kanye West concert sold for $60 100 on eBay.
11. Napoleon Bonaparte’s hair: In 2010, a lock of the French Emperor’s hair was auctioned in New Zealand for $13 000.
12. Russell Crowe’s jockstrap: Bought for $6 500 in 2018, the item from Crowe’s role in Cinderella Man was part of his post-divorce auction aptly named “The Art of Divorce”.
The list is not necessarily recorded for the items themselves, but because of the crazy values people attach to bizarre things.
“Many also prove the adage ‘one man’s trash is another man’s treasure’,” he said.
Van Reenen said that while the auctions might be entertaining, they demonstrated the bizarre variety of objects people were keen to buy.
“Whether it’s pre-owned false teeth, guinea pig armour or even a jar of air on offer, there’ll always be someone willing to bid on strange auction items but, as weird and wonderful as these sales are, they also serve as a due diligence cautionary tale because auctions are legally binding and final.
“Bidders should always do thorough homework before committing. Check provenance, ask for proof of authenticity and where possible, physically inspect the goods.”
As to assessing less tangible weirdness like the extent of a haunting? Van Reenen’s professional advice is simple: bid only if you hear the item say “boo!”