By Aine Nugent
It used to be so easy. Mom was wheeled into the labour ward and emerged, some hours later, in a pretty nightgown with her little bundle of joy.
Dad might have wondered what went on behind the closed doors, but busied himself by lighting a cigar and popping down the local to wet the baby's head. His arduous role in the event had ended nine months earlier.
But these days, fathers are expected to live through every contraction, mopping brows, issuing instructions to push and cutting the cord. Never before have they been so involved in the births of their children, but how many of them actually want to be there at all? Or don't know where to draw the line?
Take John McAuley, for instance, who decided to intimately film his baby's delivery by emergency Caesarean section, suing the midwife when she asked him to stop playing Steven Spielberg while she cleared the infant's airways. He saw her actions as a breach of the contract he had with the hospital to allow him film the birth in its entirety.
Ann Rath is Midwifery Manager at the National Maternity Hospital. Out of 9 000 births there annually, she says 96-97 percent of fathers are present. "We encourage them and they give plenty of emotional support. If they stay outside the door, they tend to be more fearful, so communication is important."
The NMH is proud of its 'one to one' policy for birthing mothers, so if dad can't be there, she will get full support in labour. "About three or four percent don't want to be there, and that's okay," says Anne. "We allow one birth partner and mom chooses. We do get the odd father who's squeamish but it's really the fear of the unknown."
A few years ago, the Rotunda Hospital surveyed expectant parents to see if they were in favour of dads being present for the birth. 95 percent of the fathers were in favour, along with 88 percent of the mums. However, when asked again after the delivery, the number of mothers in favour of their partners being present had slipped to 80 percent. David Caren, who runs the website www.dad.ie, says that's the only reason dads shouldn't be present at their baby's birth.
"It's not a war zone. There are support mechanisms and you're there to help with contractions and breathing. It's a monumental event and I've seldom come across a man who doesn't want to go in," he says.
"Lots of them are worried, of course, and their partner ends up minding them. Giving him a job is the best thing to do. If the father is ignored or told to sit in a corner and hold her hand, then he's going to feel like a spare wheel."
Caren advocates preparation before the birth, such as attending ante-natal classes.
"Look at celebrity dads such as David Beckham and Brad Pitt, they're totally involved."
Father's stories
'You appreciate more what a woman goes through'
"It takes two to conceive, so two should be there for the birth," says father-of-three Lez Ferguson from Fedamore, Co Limerick.
"My wife Goretti and I waited five years for a baby, so I was definitely going to be there when he was born."
Sons Robert and Daniel were straightforward deliveries, although Lez says he felt "a bit of a bystander".
"It's a bit awkward because you don't know what to do," he says. "But the midwives are great. There's a million things going through your mind."
When it was time for daughter Zoe's birth, Lez was pleased he was experienced.
"She was very small and we had been a bit worried. Goretti was getting weekly scans and I dropped her off and went to get the car washed. But they called to say she was getting an emergency section right then.
"I got out of the car, soaking wet and stopped the machine before racing to the hospital. She was already prepped on the operating table. The baby was in distress and the doctor told me to sit away as he 'didn't want another patient', but I wanted to see the whole thing, which I did. I'm not queasy - it was amazing. Having a girl after two boys was brilliant."
Lez' advice to prospective dads is to "go in and enjoy it. Relax if possible and know your partner is in good hands.
"My father wouldn't have gone in, and I'm glad I did. You appreciate more what a woman goes through."
'Even though I wasn't much help, I was glad I was there'
New dad Gary Culleton's son Andreas is not even a month old yet but already ruling the roost. Gary had always expected to be present for his birth. "I'm not a bit squeamish," Gary says. "I had watched all those TV programmes about deliveries and had attended the ante-natal classes too with my wife Cora. I'd have been more worried if I hadn't gone."
Gary found the delivery itself difficult. "You're a bit like a rabbit in headlights," he admits. "You're not sure what all the machines are for and you're stuck in this room for hours. It was pretty harrowing."
The midwives put a 'cap' on the baby's head to monitor his heart-rate. "It went fast, then slow, then flat-lined for a second. I was up the walls. But the nurses were so relaxed. I just wanted the baby to come out so I wouldn't have to deal with it," adds Gary.
He was very relieved when Andreas made his appearance at 4am and vows to be calmer next time. "I felt a bit in the way a couple of times and so useless. Even though I wasn't much help I was glad I was there."