There was a time when expectant fathers just paced nervously in the corridors of hospitals or homes for the birth of their children. These days it is common for them to be very involved during and after labour. In this excerpt from her book, The Very Practical Pregnancy Book , Irene Bourquin spells out what they can and should do.
DURING LABOUR
* Labour is hot, tiring work, so she will enjoy iced water, ice chips, energy-giving drinks, and foods such as raisins, bananas, soup or toast with honey. It is very old-fashioned to restrict food and drink during labour, unless medically indicated (in the case of a planned Caesarean, for instance).
* Have a cold, wet facecloth nearby to wipe her face, neck and hands. Apply cold compresses or roll a cold cooldrink can over her lower back. Cold reduces pain. She may really appreciate this, or she may not. She will tell you.
* Remind your partner to pass urine regularly – about every 30 minutes. A full bladder gets in the way of the presenting part (the part of the baby that will be born first) and can slow labour down.
* She needs to change her position often. Gravity helps women with birth, so get her up and moving. A change in position can help baby move down and speed things up. Encourage her to walk, stand with support, sit astride a chair, kneel on all fours, lean over the bed, squat at the side of the bed, slow dance or lunge – in fact, let her be in any position except on her back.
* Massage her feet, neck, temples, hands, thighs and lower back. Start massaging her from the start of labour, so that the benefits are immediate and long-lasting. Massage her thighs in an upward movement. The back can be massaged with either circular outward movements or long stroking movements. Try effleurage (or butterfly stroking) on her tummy. Mentally divide her tummy in half and lightly stroke her tummy with your fingertips.
* She may feel nauseous. Ginger tea with a little honey can help. She may vomit, shiver or feel very warm during labour, so give her the help she needs. Have a large bowl handy, as well as a light blanket and a fan.
* It is important for women to give birth in a safe environment. Ensure that her dignity is respected at all times. A “birth with dignity” gown allows her the freedom to move without fear of exposing herself, as these gown are closed at the back.
* There is no need for you to leave the labour room during vaginal examinations. You want to be kept in the picture about her progress so that you can keep her informed. Worldwide research has shown that continuous support makes labour easier, quicker and more satisfying.
* Ask family members not to phone while she is in labour. Cellphone calls distract and interrupt care. Reduce noise. Let her tell you who she wants in the labour ward. Assure relatives that they will be informed immediately the baby is born.
* Don’t tower over her – bend down and look into her eyes, and touch her with love. Talk softly and lovingly. Labour is hard work and she needs to hear your soft, calm, reassuring voice. There is no need to ask her how the pains are, as she knows exactly how they are. Just quietly tell her she is doing well and that you are proud of her.
* Touch her, kiss her, hold her hand and stroke her. That is, of course, if she welcomes it. If not, simply let her know she is loved.
AFTER THE BIRTH
* There is no need to bathe or weigh the baby in the first hour – mom’s breast is the best place for a newborn to be. She is the ultimate incubator. She can warm the baby best in this position, while initiating bonding and breast-feeding.
* Breast-feeding should begin immediately. Some babies latch on straight away, others simply like to be placed skin to skin. Skin contact initiates both bonding and breast-feeding, and helps colonise baby’s gut with mom’s good bacteria. Babies are meant to be with their parents.
* Take photos of mom and baby. Move in close and welcome baby in a low voice. Ask a staff member to take a picture of the three of you. This is the time when families are born. Enjoy this very special time together.
* Thank your partner for her hard work in giving you a lovely baby. Thank the staff for their assistance. You may be exhausted and want to go home fairly soon after you have seen your partner settled, or you may not want to leave at all. Both options are quite all right. Have the best cup of tea with your partner.
* While your partner is being washed and dressed, you can touch, feel and hold your baby close to you. Open your shirt and feel your baby skin to skin. When you return for the next visit, bring photos, flowers and gifts.
* Phone her family and your family before celebrating. Remember to ask someone to drive you home if you are wetting the baby’s head with champagne.
* Have a neat home for her to come home to, food to eat, your clothes and dishes washed. For a home birth, acquire home executive skills. You will be rewarded.
* Expect some moms to get the third-day blues. They often cry for no reason, and sometimes they do have a reason. Be loving. Understand that her hormones are playing tricks on her and that the enormity of being a mom can be overwhelming.
* If your partner had the baby in a hospital setting, let her acquire some skills there. If she had a home birth, or was discharged early, make sure that you have all the relevant contact numbers – the clinic, post-natal doulas, lactation counsellors and home help all make a huge difference.
* If you have no help, buy yourself an apron and get on with the job of being a houseman. In the first few days, you can learn to bath baby, change nappies and master some parenting skills. Babies need male input from day one. While nothing really prepares anyone for the roller-coaster ride of becoming a parent, learning as many skills as you can certainly helps.
* Take leave, even for a few days, when your new family starts out together. Two parents are so much better than one. You can both learn together.
* “Mothering the mother” is the norm in many Asian and African cultures. Mom is specially cared for, massaged, fed and rested during this time. Our Western culture has mom and baby at the supermarket soon after birth. It can be stressful for a mother to be alone with her new baby for long periods of time. She needs loving care at this vulnerable time. Try to bring in family members and friends to help lessen the load. Come home earlier once you are back at work. Learn to identify post-natal depression and find out where to get help.
* Register the baby. Make sure the names are correctly spelt.
* Back at home, wear your baby in a sling or pouch. Talk, touch and sing to your baby. Wear your baby close to your heart. A baby in a carry pouch can look at your face, see your eyes and take you all in, and vice versa.
* Have telephone numbers of the paediatrician, a babysitter, healthy fast-food outlets and cleaning services at hand. They could prove useful.
* Read books on raising children, on parenting styles, on discipline, on sex education. Keep ahead. You need to, as babies and children grow fast.
* Update your will to include your new child and subsequent children.
* Start an education fund today. The earlier you make provision for your children, the more manageable it will be for you.
* Enlist supportive grandparents and friends so that you can take your partner on a date. - The Star
* The Very Practical Pregnancy Handbook is published by Pearson Education SA (021 532 6009 ) and costs R92.95. Get it from Kalahari.net