Dear Prudence,
My wife is nine months pregnant and we are planning a home birth.
Our team of two midwives came to our house to do a home visit last week, and shamed us for about 30 minutes when we let them know we would be vaccinating our baby. One of them (whom we've only met twice before) was adamant that we weren't considering the safety and health of our child.
I almost kicked her out of our house, I was so angry. Now I'm nervous my wife will be on edge about their judgment when the whole point of a home birth for us was so she'd feel more relaxed. I know it's very late in the game, but should we be looking for a new birth team?
Womb Service
Dear Womb,
I had a variation of your experience when I was pregnant (although not as far along).
A test showed that I might have a serious autoimmune disease. Fortunately, it turned out to be a false positive. When I went in to talk about the results, I was seen by my obstetrician's partner, whom I'd never met before.
I expressed my relief, and she said that the false positive actually meant I was at higher risk for the disease. When I asked her what I should do about that, she said, “Look, we're all going to die of something.” True enough!
Because it was possible that when I went into labour she might be on call, I immediately found another obstetrician and switched practices. You don't have a long bond with these people, but you do have a short timeline.
You're choosing a home birth because a comfortable environment is a high priority. I would not be comfortable if I knew that when I was at my most vulnerable, I would be subjected to an insane lecture whose premise is false and dangerous. I think you should fire this pair and find another team. If it turns out all the midwives in your community believe this anti-vaccine garbage, then see if there's a hospital with a birthing suite that strives to provide a more “homey” environment.
You don't want to have one of the happiest times in your lives ruined by misinformed bullies.
Prudie
Washington Post/Slate
* Emily Yoffe is an advice columnist, using the name Prudence. Please send your questions for publication to [email protected]. Questions may be edited.