Becoming a new parent can be overwhelming, especially when your baby seems to cry all the time. And, let's face it, newborns are known for crying - a lot. But why exactly do babies cry so much in the first few months?
There are several reasons and understanding them can help parents better soothe their little ones.
Babies under three months cry for many reasons. Sometimes, the cause is easy to identify, and other times, it can feel like a mystery. Here are some of the most common reasons newborns cry:
Hunger: Babies have small stomachs and need to eat frequently. If your baby is crying, the first thing to check is whether they’re hungry.
Discomfort: Your baby might be too hot, too cold or need a diaper change. Wet diapers or uncomfortable clothing, like scratchy fabrics, can also be culprits.
Pain: Gas, colic or other discomforts can cause pain. If your baby is arching their back or seems to be in distress, pain might be the reason.
Overstimulation or understimulation: Some babies cry when they’ve had too much excitement or too little. Finding the right level of stimulation can be key to calming them.
Needing comfort: Sometimes babies just need to be held. Skin-to-skin contact or being swaddled can provide a sense of security.
According to Dr Barry Lester, a paediatric psychiatrist at Brown University, some babies simply cry more than others. Each baby has their own unique temperament, and this plays a significant role in how often and how intensely they cry.
Lester, who has seen thousands of babies at his Colic Clinic, explains that some babies are naturally more reactive and easily upset. Once they start crying, it might be harder to calm them down.
On the flip side, some babies are less reactive and might even soothe themselves if left alone for a moment. Others may take longer to start crying, but when they do, they can be hard to comfort.
And then there are the lucky parents whose babies rarely cry and are easy to calm.
This variability in temperament means that not all crying is a reflection of parenting. In the early months, much of a baby’s crying pattern is simply part of their personality.
The caregiver’s role
Sometimes, there can be a mismatch between what the baby needs and how the caregiver responds. This is especially true for first-time parents or those without much support. Parents might unintentionally overreact or miss subtle cues from their baby.
Studies show that caregivers with high-stress levels or less empathy may struggle more to understand and respond to their baby’s needs.
On the other hand, caregivers who have had positive parenting experiences - or who have processed difficult past experiences - tend to find it easier to respond sensitively to their baby’s cries.
It’s also possible for caregivers to feel overwhelmed by their baby’s cries, leading to what psychologists call "empathic distress". This can cause them to withdraw or become overly intrusive, both of which can make it harder to calm the baby.
Finding a balance is key
Sometimes, babies cry for reasons that professionals can’t easily explain. This is known as “endogenous crying”, meaning the source of the crying is internal.
Dr Debra Zeifman, a psychologist at Vassar, points out that this type of crying is uniquely human. Chimpanzees, for example, stop crying once their needs are met, but human babies may continue to cry even after being comforted.
This type of crying can be frustrating for parents, as it feels like nothing is working. But understanding that it’s natural for babies to cry - even when everything seems fine - can help ease some of that frustration.
Soothe through touch and movement
One effective way to calm a crying baby is through proprioception—stimulating their sense of touch and body position.
According to occupational therapist Jen Spiro, babies are soothed by deep pressure touch, movement against resistance, and gentle vibrations.
This is why certain soothing techniques, like swaddling or rocking, can work wonders for fussy babies.
Here are some ideas for using proprioception to calm your newborn:
Kangaroo Care: This involves holding your baby skin-to-skin on your chest. The warmth and closeness can provide deep comfort and help your baby feel secure.
Nesting Cushion: A specially designed cushion, like the nurtureOne™ Cushion, offers a snug, safe environment for your baby. The slight resistance from the cushion mimics the womb, providing comfort through proprioceptive input.
Swaddling: Wrapping your baby in a stretchy cotton blanket can help them feel contained and secure. Make sure to leave their hands free for self-soothing, and always lay them on their back to sleep.
Movement and rocking: Holding your baby while sitting in a rocking chair or gently pushing it in a stroller can provide the rhythmic movement that many babies find calming.
Sucking: Whether it’s a pacifier or feeding, sucking engages the muscles in your baby’s mouth, providing deep pressure that can help soothe them.
Massage: A gentle massage can stimulate the baby’s touch receptors and provide a calming effect. Consider taking a baby massage class to learn how to do it effectively.
Warm Baths: Bathing your baby in warm water, while gently wrapping them in a light blanket for containment, can also help to calm them.